In an attempt to provide some optimism for the many Detroit Lions fans whose visages are currently frozen in WTF-face upon hearing about the hire of Jim Caldwell as head coach, the Zone Reads writing crew brainstormed some potential hires who would have been even worse:

1. Greg Schiano
2. Gregg Williams
3. Lane Kiffin
4. Monte Kiffin
5. Jason Garrett
6. Eric Mangini
7. Mark Mangino
8. Chan Gailey
9. Rich Kotite
10. Les Steckel
11. Jim Mora, Sr.
12. Bernie Madoff
13. Ted Cruz
14. Larry the Cable Guy
15. Maya Angelou
16. James Deen
17. Isiah Thomas
18. Skip Bayless
19. Emmitt Smith
20. Stephen A. Smith
21. Mr. Smith of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (ed. note: Upon further review, Mr. Smith’s gift with an inspirational speech makes this inconclusive. Let’s fix that:)
    Bobby Petrino
22. Al Pacino
23. Larry Brown
24. Donald Brown
25. Charlie Brown
26. James Brown (the studio analyst)
27. James Brown (the Godfather of Soul)
28. Ike Turner
29. Tina Turner
30. Ted Turner
31. Turner from Turner and Hooch
32. Hooch from Turner and Hooch
33. Luther Campbell, singer of “Hoochie Mama”
34. Luther Vandross
35. Martin Luther
36. Martin Luther King, Jr. (dead only)
37. Mrs. King from Scarecrow and Mrs. King
38. James King
39. LeBron James
40. Dwyane Wade
41. Wade Blasingame, attorney at law
42. Wade Blasingame, former pitcher
43. Wade Phillips
44. Wilson Phillips (any or all)
45. Wilson the volleyball from Cast Away
46. Tom Hanks (ed. note: not to be confused with Turner from Turner and Hooch)
47. Merton Hanks
48. Carlton Banks
49. Banksy
50. Jim Schwartz